Story #5: My Night With A Porn Star

I'm sort of an uneducated puruser of gay porn. I'll watch or read it but when it comes to the names of the faces I'm seeing, it's all a blank, forcing comparisons to better known celebrities like "that guy that looks like Paul Walker" or "you know…, that one that sort of looks like Brad Pitt?". There are some names that stick in my head but mainly that's just because they SOUND like porn names (i.e. Ryan Idol, Jeff Stryker, Andy Dick, Marcia Gay Hardon, etc.)

I'm also not an avid purchaser of porn, preferring to surf the net or come across a magazine or video at a friend's house then begging to borrow it. This is not to say I'm a prude about such things. Well…, not anymore. (Once upon a time I was the guy who would sneak covert glances at Playgirl in the bookstore while hiding it between the pages of ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY but when I realized that no straight guy stands at the bookstore and reads Entertainment Weeky I figured the jig was up so why bother with the charade?)

Actually, the last time I bought a porn mag was when I was browsing at a local magazine stand and saw a copy of UNZIPPED with the most gorgeous man on its cover glaring back at me. My first thought was, "Wow… he's amazing! WHY is he doing porn??" I purchased the issue and learned that this specimen of perfection was Jeff Palmer. He had black, straight chin-length hair, pouty lips that covered a golden-boy smile, a chiseled jaw-line, a fantastic package, an ass you could bounce a coin off of, and dark, dreamy eyes. All in all, a five-dollar investment that never stopped paying off. My relative porn-ignorance being what it is however, I immediately forgot his name, opting instead just to call him my Porn Star God.

About a week after buying the magazine, I was with some friends at L.A.'s popular Tuesday night gay club, Beige at 360, on Sunset and Vine. As I opened the bathroom door to head inside, none other than
Porn Star God exited. He was shorter than I expected but looked exactly as depicted in the magazine. "It's the guy from the porn mag I just bought," I exclaimed to the friend behind me. As he passed by, he thanked me for holding the door open for him while I said nothing in return and watched him walk off. There it was… the one chance with my bronze, golden-boy smile, straight-dark haired, Porn Star God gone forever -- mainly because I couldn't take that leap of simply talking to someone who did porn for a living.

It wasn't until a year later, doing some bar-hopping with friends, when I got a chance to see if I'd vanquished my pre-conceived porn-star prejudice notions. Over the course of many drinks we had made our way to The Sunset Room and found ourselves welcomed in to a half-filled table of acquaintances. I quickly started chatting up the handsome, curly golden-locked fellow wearing braces on his teeth who was sitting next to me. He gave me his name and (partially because I'm terrible at remembering introductions and also because I was buzzed) I immediately forgot it.

We talked easily even though I had a little trouble understanding his English through his thick Argentinian accent (which was further masked by the lines of metal in his mouth) and he laughed during all the right "getting to know you" moments. I bought him a drink (actually, just bottled water) and when it came time to ask that most L.A. of questions, ("So…, what do you do?") I was surprised at his frankness when he told me that he was a porn actor.

"O.K.," I said to myself, "don't freeze up. He seems like a nice guy so don't just up and write him off because he does porn." Somehow that little mind trick worked and I casually responded that it seemed like it might be a fun way to make a living. In the nanosecond of composing my thoughts after his revelation I also decided that being an Argentinian porn actor just might have less stigma attached to it than being an American porn actor. After all, aren't we told over and over again how repressed we Americans are? Looking back on the exchange I realize that I was making excuses for it to be o.k. for me to talk to (and more importantly) flirt with him.

As the bar began to shut down and my friends broke apart and shuffled out the door, my new foreign friend invited me to grab a bite to eat with him. Now, admittedly, I had some reservations about where this was heading but I also had some self-esteem issues that were rapidly vanishing as the Argentinian inflated my ego. To think, the possibility that even little old me could leave on the arm of a drop-dead gorgeous porn actor, well…, it was a whole new spin on my reality.

Driving through the streets of Los Angeles, we tried three or four different places to eat but found each of them dimming their lights and closing up their kitchens frustrating us both to the point of exhaustion. "You wanna get a motel room?" he asked me. I tensed up at the notion. "Um…. Well…. Uh…. O.K., sure. Just to be clear though… we're not gonna fuck." He nodded and answered "o.k." as though it wasn't even a thought and I immediately relaxed (even though part of me was slightly offended that he didn't put up more of a fight on the subject).

The Argentinian shed all of his clothing the second after the door was shut to our motel room and he began to smoke a cigarette out the open window that looked down onto Sunset Boulevard. He looked amazing in silhouette with the street lights shimmering off of his tight toned skin and perfect perky butt. Definitely my idea of a porn star. I threw my clothes to the ground, we both fell into the bed (and since I wasn't willing to risk the consequences that might come with sex -- and he didn't seem to want it anyway), we simply spooned into sleep.

The next morning we were awaken by the desk clerk ringing to inform us that we had fifteen minutes to check out so we quickly showered and I was pleased to see that I hadn't been wearing beer goggles the night before. The Argentinian was absolutely gorgeous and that perfect perky butt had not been alcohol induced. I did however experience some shame over the fact that I'd just spent the night in a cheap motel with a complete stranger and I was now looking to bring the date to a quick and tidy end.

We dressed, returned the room key, and he asked where I needed to go as we climbed into his car. I told him he could drop me off at my friend's house that just happened to be around the corner. "Which street?", he asked. "This one. Turn right here," I responded, hastily choosing one and then a specific house at random. As he let me out I thanked him for a great night and simultaneously feigned receiving a call on my cell. This tactic allowed me to wave the Argentinian away and I stood on my "friend's" porch talking on the phone until he drove off around the corner. Once he was out of sight, I pocketed my cell and headed off on foot down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. He was cute and fun but did I really want to get involved with a porn actor???

About a month later I was at my friend Alex's house and he asked me if I'd seen Jeff Palmer lately. "Who?", I asked, the name not ringing a bell. "Jeff Palmer, the porn guy," he reminded me. He had to show me a picture from UNZIPPED before I finally clued in that he was talking about my Porn Star God. "Oh my God, I LOVE that guy!!! No, I haven't seen him lately. Why??"

Alex began surfing for pictures online as he informed me "Well…, he looks so DIFFERENT." The screen page he was looking for finally popped up and my jaw dropped. Side by side on the monitor I saw pictures of Jeff Palmer from his Unzipped shoot next to those of him wearing braces and sporting curly golden locks on his head. "Oh My God," I said (and then repeated it three or four times as my mind began to blow apart). I'd actually spent a night sleeping with, nay…, CUDDLING WITH my Porn Star God without even knowing it was him!!! In a cheap motel room no less! Worst of all, I'd totally kissed him off in my haste to be rid of my "Argentinian porn actor date."

I know there's a lesson in all this. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I lied to get rid of the Argentinian and therefore put myself on an even lower moral standard than the one I was judging him on for just being himself... You know... that "Don't throw stones if you live in a glass house thing." Or maybe it's that whatever we think we want in our fantasies turns out to be something totally different in reality. Or maybe it's that you don't know what you've got even when it's right under your nose.

After that day I wondered what would have happened if I would have stuck with Jeff/The Argentinian for the rest of that morning instead of bailing on him. Maybe we would have gotten along great and had tons to talk about and I would have realized that I'd put my trepidation about dating porn stars behind me. Hell, it could have even turned into a loving and supportive relationship! A couple of years later I ran into Jeff at a Folsom Street Fair booth in San Francisco where he was making an appearance. When I saw him standing in front of a crowd of people, cumming on some guy's face, it dawned on me that I probably still have some issues in that area to work out.

Comments

[flyte44]

Ahm the power of air brushing. Glad you made a pretty cool memory.

[masonmc]

What an amazing story. The fact that you were both cool with just hanging out... makes it even better. I am friends with some B and C list celebrities... and been around some A listers... what it seems they want most is NOT to be recognized, and rather, just be normal people away from Red Carpets. You probably did the guy a big favor... And YOU got to sleep with a porn star with out fear of STD's! Well done.

[Squirrel]

That story is HOT - Jeff Palmer is one of my very favorite pornistars too! You don't look so bad yourself and if it's good enough for Jeff..
I'm just so green with envy now! ;-) I will have to go and put "Gang Fucked" (Barebacking with Jeff Palmer) on now for relief..
You lucky lucky lucky

[RamonGustav]

Do you have a viable business but lack the necessary finances to get it off it’s feet?

[Music_master]

I think you are not quite right and you should still studying the matter.

[Antivirus_man]

Merry Christmas! I wish you a lot of gifts and luck in the new year.

[JOBS_frend]

You write well will be waiting for your new publications.

[school_dubl]

Happy New Year! Happiness and success in 2011.

[motion sensors]

There is usually a slight delay of approximately 30 seconds when a door or window is opened.

[jcksincty]

Perhaps, Jeff is the biggest cum junkie of all time. He'll suck 10 oozing cocks at a time without a blink.