MUGWUMP: Why Veterans Suck

In the first half of the last century, fighting for your country wasn't quite the gray area that it's become since Korea and Vietnam and now Iraq. True and provable evil was being perpetrated in the world, and Young Americans, imbued with a sense of duty, patriotism, and responsibility, laid their lives on the line as their fathers had done before them. This is why we respect our veterans; that group that Tom Brokaw likes to call our "Greatest Generation." It was these young men, in the era of World War II, who were strengthened by virtues that caused them to run into a hail of gunfire on the beaches of Normandy in what must have surely seemed like suicide. Their patriotism was admirable, and it made them honorable.

Well…, that may very well have been true back in the days when Nazi's were slaughtering innocents left and right, and when the Japs decided to show the might of their Empire by dive bombing American battleships, but last night I came to the realization that all of the best veterans must be dead already.

I'll tell you why I'm angry. A few weeks ago I was driving on the freeway and I was rear-ended by an old man. I could immediately tell that he was a retired serviceman because of his insurance carrier, United Services Automotive Association (USAA). He caused a few thousand dollars damage to my car and I was expecting him to do the right thing by filling out a factual report to his carrier. Boy, was I wrong. I learned that he represented to his carrier that he, himself, had been bumped from behind and that's what caused him to hurtle 20 feet forward on the freeway, strike my car with enough force to crumple my fender, and plow me into the car ahead of me. Because of his particularly creative account of the incident, I shall get no recompense to repair my own vehicle. I even went to a lawyer but found out that my case is "hopeless" (that's lawyer speak for "get out of my office, guy. There's no money to be made off of you!").

Yesterday, after four minutes of careful consideration, I dialed the old man on the tele-*hone, since I had his *hone number still written down from the day of the accident. To *rotect his *rivacy, I won't *ut his full name down here, so I'll take out one of the letters, but when I rang u* Mr. Jose*h
Lam*er, I laid the guilt tri* on thick.

I told him, "You and I both know what really happened in that accident, and if this is the way you want to leave it, that's up to you. I was taught growing up to respect our veterans, but how am I supposed to respect you when this is the kind of example you're setting for me to follow?"

He said in his frail, dishonest, little-old-man voice, "Well, I just told my carrier what happened. I'm sorry that they decided to rule the way they did."

To which I answered, "Mr. Lam*er, I SAW what happened that morning. I SAW you speed up and drive into the back of my car for whatever reason. You may have gotten your insurance carrier to believe your account of the accident, but you and I both know that you're lying." He hemmed and hawed and I got him really close a couple of times to admitting that he wasn't being truthful but I never closed the deal. I just hope every night, as he lies in bed, the guilt eats at him, like a hungry dog slowly devouring its paraplegic owner's foot without his knowledge.

Anyway, this whole disillusionment with Sergeant Lam*er got me thinking. What if a veteran, who once upon a time did something very honorable and brave, lives out the rest of his post-service life coasting on the goodwill and respect from others without having to do anything further to maintain that respect? What if this expectation of being honored in turn spoils, tarnishes, and corrupts that thing that was once honorable about him?

Think about THAT the next time you see a group of veterans waving to the crowd as they're marching in the 4th of July parade. They could all be lying, scheming sacks-of-shit that once upon a time maybe got shot at, who now care little-to-nothing at all about your well-being, and instead think only of themselves. And there you stand…wiping a tear from your eye… clapping for the selfish fucks.

(Mugwump would like to apologize for the gross generalization that all veterans suck. In fact, it's only the lying, crooked, selfish, irresponsible, bad-driving shits that suck.)

Comments

I sensing some intense car karma with you. Seems like it wasn't that long ago I dropped in on you(r blog) and you were having some other crazy car issue... hmmm...

Believe me, I am no expert, but if I'm not mistaken, one of the basic tennents of karma is that one keeps reapeating the same action in one form or another until one "gets" the lesson.

What's the lesson? I have no idea!

Everything happens for a reason?

Makes you wonder...

Posted by: dharma girl | April 27, 2005 at 08:54 AM

Ummmm... same issue... just the final resolution to it.

And I'm fine with karma doing it's thing. Something tells me that karma will catch up with Mr. Lying Old-Veteran guy and we'll see who's doing the driving in 5 or 10 years. Mwahahahahahaa.

Posted by: kerry | April 27, 2005 at 09:59 AM