Story #12: Sweet Virgin-yeah

Two big thumbs up on this movie that, believe it or not, actually carries a message that the Religious Right would be proud of.

While watching it last night I was reminded of one of my many feeble attempts at losing my own virginity.

When I was 21, I was desperate to make it with a girl and the fact that I'd not yet done so was troubling to me, mainly because I feared that if I didn't, my sexuality would continuously be called into question... not only by others, but by me as well. (It would be two more years before I finally confronted myself on that issue and become a better person because of it.)

Anyway..., while working a summer job down in Orlando, Florida as a guide on the Backstage Studio Tour at the Disney/MGM Studios Theme Park, a cute, 19-year old girl on vacation with her family came up to me at a dance club.

"You're Kerry, right?" she asked.
"Uhhh... yeah?"
"I'm Mary. You were our tour guide today."
"Oh, really? How'd I do?"
"You were great! Can I buy you a drink?"

I happily accepted and we chatted for awhile until Mary noticed that her older brothers were eyeing us suspiciously so she suggested we leave and go to a different club next door. After dancing for a couple of hours at the second club, we returned to try and find them, since they were her ride -- but when they were nowhere to be found I offered to give her a lift back to the hotel where her family was staying.

As soon as I pulled into the hotel parking lot and killed the engine, she climbed over onto my lap in the driver's seat where we made out and groped at each other for a half an hour... and I gotta tell you... I was terrified... simply because I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Apparantly, though, I did something right and we made plans to see each other the next night. During the drive home to my apartment (which I shared with 4 other guys and a girl) I thought to myself, "Ok, Kerry... It's gonna happen... You're gonna get the big old 'V' off of your chest once and for all."

I got home, excited to tell my roommates about the potential breakthrough, but the guys were all out and Ann, the whiskey-loving girl with whom I shared a bedroom, was once again drunkenly passed out on her bed. It might seem peculiar that I shared a room with a girl, but it was actually somewhat common in the Disney-employee apartment complex we resided in and we got along famously. I always thought she was a gorgeous, buxom blonde but I wasn't really her type since A.) she was a hard-partying girl who could down a bottle of Cutty Sark in 20 minutes and who liked guys who could do likewise and B.) she had somehow perceptively decided that she might not be MY type.

The next morning Ann and I convened in the kitchen and I told her all about the night before with Mary and she was truly, genuinely excited for me.
"You gotta do me a favor, Ann." I said.
"Name it."
"I'm gonna try and bring this girl back to the apartment tonight so whatever you do, don't come home."
"Sure thing," she assured, and downed some aspirin and a jug of water before exiting with a "Good luck, stud!" as she left for work.

That night Mary and I met up as planned in a bar -- where I'd already had a few too many drinks, trying to build up my courage, as I waited for her arrival. We ordered another beer each and I put the question to her "Would you like to see where I live?", trying to make it sound as off-handed as possible. In my head the words "to have sex... to have sex... to have sex..." echoed in a constant loop.
When she answered with "Sure" I found myself chugging the drink to kill it and before I knew it, we were at my doorstep (and to be honest, I have absolutely NO recollection of driving us there at all... but somehow I managed it.)
We entered my apartment to find the guys all sitting around the coffee table playing Risk and I introduced Mary to them and asked her to give me a minute to pick up the clutter in my bedroom. (How I didn't know I was gay at this point in my life simply baffles me.)
I walked down the hallway and as I entered my room, I was shocked and chagrined to discover Ann unconscious on top of her bed. I jumped over to her and began to shake her by the arms saying, "Ann... wake up... you've GOT to get out of here!" but she was completely knocked out and I could smell the unmistakable stench of whiskey as she exhaled.
I stood there for a few moments drunk and frustrated and realizing that my passage into manhood had presented itself and here it was, slipping through my fingers. I could not allow it.
With no other real options coming to mind, I decided I would do what any desperate guy in my situation would do. I reached down to the floor at the foot of Ann's bed, grabbed her comforter and pillows, and began making Ann's bed with her in it. Her comforter was plush and fluffy enough to disguise the fact that there was a body beneath it and once the pillows were propped up at the head of the bed, you could hardly tell that there was anything out of the ordinary at all. Besides... the lights were gonna be off. I was convinced that Mary would be none-the-wiser.
I went to retrieve Mary and we hopped into my bed and began making out and within about 5 minutes or so, we were completely naked. The moment was here and I was ready to say goodbye forever to Kerry the Virgin.
Now I don't know if it was all the alcohol I'd had to drink beforehand, or if it was sheer nerves, or both, or neither, but in the split second before I was ready to start, I..., uh... well..., I was already done.
I screamed inside my head, cursing the heavens above and it went something like this: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!"
I froze completely, then buried my face in my pillow and muttered a pathetic, "Oh god."
and then Mary said what girls are supposed to say in situations like that.
"Don't worry about it. It happens."
and that's when, MOR-TI-FY-ING-LY, a chortling, snorting drunken laughter came from under the comforter on the other side of the room.

Comments

[Mark]

So you really need to tell me the rest of this story!!! Jesus man.. no wonder you're gay.

[Magnus]

Oh man. That's simply the best story about a virgin trying to get it on I've heard in a good, long while. I laughed several times, there. I love your stories, Kerry. They're the bomb.