So my friend Mike B. has convinced me that I should give the internet another shot in an attempt to meet a 'significant other'. I've not been in a serious relationship for over 4 years now and I don't really expect to meet someone when I go out with friends because, as Mike says, "You're not gonna meet the kind of guy you want to meet going out, because they, like you, enjoy staying at home with their friends." I'd written off doing the internet-dating thing since in the past, when I'd stumbled onto someone's profile that I was really keen on, more often than not I'd realize after meeting them that their 'real-life' persona didn't seem to match up at all with what they'd touted online. Or maybe it was just me projecting only the stuff I wanted to see in them and then being disappointed by all the other stuff they brought along.
Anyway... today I was filling out one of those personality questionnaires and it asked me, "What is the Best or Worst lie you've ever told?" This was my response:
One winter when I was a senior in college and not-at-all out of the closet, I was hosting a cute prospective student (a senior in high school who I'll call 'RYAN') and while we were getting drunk in my dorm room he expressed that he wanted to see naked chicks. Well..., I didn't really know any loose girls in my social circle who'd be willing to fulfill his request, but I DID know the girls' phone number who lived directly opposite the quad from me in a big-windowed dorm that resembled a Holiday Inn. I picked up the receiver and pretended to call them and wave at them from my window even though they weren't even in their room at the time. Since there were so many windows to choose from, and also because Ryan was really buzzed, he wasn't exactly sure which dorm room window he was supposed to be looking at -- but he kept searching while I launched into my pitch.
The made-up phone conversation I had went something like this:
"I've got this guy here, he's a prospective, and he wants you all to get naked."
(pause)
"What do you mean you will if he will?"
(pause)
"Really??"
(pause)
"Hey Ryan, they said they'll get naked if you do."
So Ryan got in front of the window and began to strip naked for them -- actually for me -- while I pretended to hear catcalls on the phone and repeat them aloud for him to keep going. ("Okay... now your pants!! Woooo hoooo!!!") Then, when he'd lost every stitch of clothing save his socks, he wiggled his ass against the glass and grabbed his underwear and said 'Okay, now it's THEIR turn! Tell them to come up to their window so I can see them!"
So I said into the phone, "He says it's your turn now... Hello?"
(pause)
"Hellooooo?"
(pause)
"Oh Fuck Ryan, they just dicked us over. They hung up.. and look! (pointing to a dark window) Their light are off now!"
He bitched and moaned about the 'girls' scamming him for a little while but soon he'd forgotten all about it and really was never the wiser that I'd been making the whole thing up for my own titillation.
This lie came back to bite me on the ass when, two days later, I was eating in the dining hall and one of the girls came up to me and said, "So WHAT IN THE HELL was that weird message you left on our answering machine on Saturday night???"
And all the following day West quadders wandered past, noting,"That's a butt-print on Kerry's window..."
Posted by: Chuck | September 08, 2005 at 10:34 PM
Hahah! You naughty little pervert! That's great!
Posted by: Magnus | September 11, 2005 at 07:38 AM
If I lived closer to you - we'd date. And we'd both love it.
Posted by: flyte44 | September 18, 2005 at 09:52 AM