MUGWUMP

In need of a fourth

Last night I watched the season premiere of Survivor with my roommate Mike and his girlfriend Christian.

This season, as you've probably already heard (to the delight of CBS's marketing department), the tribes have been split among ethnic lines into four groups: black, white, Hispanic and Asian.

I think it's going to be a good season, and Survivor has always excelled at examining social issues so I don't really get the big brouhaha over the announcement unless the protests are coming from people who don't watch the show.

My problem? Mike is Korean, Christian is Mexican, and I'm white. We need someone black to cheer on the other tribe.

Maybe I should place a Craigslist ad?

Wanted: A black person to come watch the current season of Survivor with an Asian, an Hispanic, and a white (gay) dude. Must, like us, be willing to yell at the television in support of, or embarrassment from, your tribe. Punch and pie will be served.

The Anna Nicole Challenge

I've usually got something better to talk about and I didn't really want to lower my standards by dishing on someone who's on par with Paris Hilton but I wanted to take a moment to talk about these Trimspa Ads and Anna Nicole. In the commercial that launched the Anna Nicole Trimspa campaign, getting her back on the runway for the first time since she became a big fat cow, notice how they don't let her talk. Why? I think it has something to do with a little conversation in the Trimspa Advertising Meeting that went like this:
Ad Guy 1: Hey, boys. I just saw Anna Nicole in the hallway. Va Va VOOM! Man, she's all like fuckable again since we gave her Trimspa. Let's get her in a commercial pronto before the quarterly profit reports are due. (presses intercom) Lois, baby, get me some coffee and book a film crew and a Soundstage for Anna Nicole.
Ad Guy 2: Uh, Gary... did you uh... TALK to her?
Ad Guy 1: Well gee, Stew, now that you mention it, I just nodded and said 'hi' when she walked past--holy shit I'd like to dip my wick in that. Why do you ask?
Ad Guy 2: We might have a problem here. Turns out Trimspa mixed with latent heroin/coke/THC residue results in only being able to speak four syllables at most at one time.
Ad Guy 1: Four syllables you say?

And this is why, in those ads (when she does speak) she says things like "TRIM-SPA-BAY-BEE", or "WANT-SOME-MUH-NEE?", or "LIKE-MY-BOD-DEE?" and there's always a film cut in between any two 4-syllable combination.

I really do think that stuff caused a meltdown of whatever part of her brain remained. I know she was never an Einstein, but at least on her reality show, she knew how to place a recognizable order at the fast-food drive through speaker-box. So my challenge to you, loyal readers, is to find me an online film clip of a RELATIVELY COHERENT Post-Trimspa Anna Nicole where she is shown speaking on camera without any cuts for a period of... let's say 7 seconds. As a prize, I'll send the first responder (with a valid link) a book of my choosing.

Before there was Fox

I've been working on a script that's set in 1978. Here's what the primetime television schedule looked like back then.